Footprints
by esthered
Summary: Goku questions himself on his existence when he experiences the coldness and loneliness of snow together with the Sanzo-ikkou; without being trapped in the cage. [ONE-SHOT]


**FOOTPRINTS**

A one-shot about the 'existence' of Goku and how he finds himself emotionally and overcomes his fear of loneliness during winter.

Disclaimer: Saiyuki is not mine!\

I stared at the bald tree a near distance away from me. Covered with a white blanket of snow, it looked dead. The carpet of snow on the ground was cold beyond belief. I'd never dare to love it, or like it. Curiosity overcame me and I put one foot out of the door and quickly retracted it. A footprint was made.

"A footprint," I said questioningly. "I exist."

I questioned my existence incessantly. Why were my earliest memories of the cage? That dark and moldy place, I never want to return again, until he came to save me. I never ever thought I could walk, or even run! Somehow, I knew he would come. A feeling inside me has been telling me to wait… and wait and not to give up. When he came, I was fast asleep dreaming of the uncertainties. It was well just over winter and the white ice had stopped falling from the sky. Like a golden sun, the light was brighter than ever as he stretched out his hand towards me.

I stared out the window again and the wind caressed my face. It wasn't like the past when I would shiver in the cold and lie on the freezing hard floor. A jumper hugs me now and I embrace the warmness. Perhaps being in the cage was a lesson for me to learn, to make me appreciate the warmness of the outside earth more.

When he reached out his hand to mine, I looked up at him questioningly, searching for the reason in his eyes. Why did he save me when no one else would? Who is this guy who is my savior? His first sentence to me was telling me I was noisy. I didn't even understand a single word he said. But he gave me a whole new meaning to my life. No longer screaming or crying out in loneliness. I finally had someone to hold on to.

I heaved a sigh and looked out the window once more. I was still afraid to be out in the snow. Why do I have this fear? Why am I not normal like the others who roll around in the snow and throw snowballs at each other and laugh?

"Goku, self-reprisal isn't a way to get over your fear, you know." Hakkai said concerning as he gave a smile.

I stared at him for a few seconds and hung my head. Tears stung my eyes as it dropped to the ground, staining it temporarily.

"B-But I want to… I want to get over it, but I can't… There's something holding me back. I hate the snow! I hate it!" I screamed as tears ran down my cheeks.

Hakkai pulled me close and gave me a hug. I didn't know what to say to him. I knew he was comforting me and I didn't want to stain his shirt with tears. I pulled away and sobbed silently to myself. I didn't know what to do.

"Get over it, Goku." A cold voice said.

"W-What," I responded as I turned around.

There he is my golden sun. His face had the same cold and frustrated look on it as usual. But there's something about him that's warm. There were butterflies in my stomach as I thought about him saving me from the endless lonely cage. As he reached out his hand towards me, I was thinking of a million questions to ask him. But as I walked down the road with him, the words disappeared from my mouth.

"S-Sanzo," I said as my voice broke.

"Crying won't do you any good. You have to conquer your fear! Step outside now, you have to do it on your own. No one can help you." Sanzo reprimanded.

"I-I can't!" I cried out loud.

I dropped down onto the ground to my knees and turned back to look at Sanzo. Without warning, he kicked me on my back and I fell into the white carpet of cold. Tiny cold bites stung my skin as my ears froze in the winter. I looked at my hand that was filled with white ice. Pure and innocent as a fleeting daisy of the summer, I didn't know the snow was so harmless. While I was in the cage, winter was a carpet of depression and loneliness for me. It was utmost loneliness where not even a single bird or insect would make a sound. I was trapped within myself, within my cage.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" Sanzo asked with a smirk on his face.

I pondered for a moment and stared at the ground. The snow was so beautiful, how it hugs the ground and the trees. I smiled gently and grabbed a pile of white ice.

"Kirei…" I said as I stared at the snow. ('Kirei' is beautiful in Japanese.)

My golden eyes glowed and my mood was lifted. Chuckling, I threw a snowball at Sanzo who gave a glum face after that. I laughed at myself for being so afraid of snow when it was actually a fantastic creation of nature. It wasn't long before we all got into a snowball fight. My first ever experience of snow.

END.

Just a short story using Goku's point of view after I watched a scene from Saiyuki Reload. Hmm. Come to think of it, Saiyuki Reload's a pretty good show yes? Heh. REVIEWS PLEASE!


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